Looks good, but just be careful with your line work next time. Don't be afraid to go over it again with a thicker lines; it will really help it come alive. I think maybe a thick line around the people and an even thicker line on the border would look pretty good. The thicker lines can also cover up any mistakes you made the first time.
And be careful with the lines for the clavicle and neck. I don't think the clavicle line should be visible all the way like that, and I would've done the line sparingly for those two parts on the girl. And I think the neck on the guy could've been a little thicker.
And this is just a personal thing, but I think maybe the sun should be awake, just to kind of show the difference of night and day. But that's just me
But other than those things, it's good. It's an interesting concept.